I'm transparent to friends. But can I be to God?

So I think that maybe this bible study at the church is God trying to break me open. And I hate it. I haven't even gotten the book yet. Haven't even read a word in it. But it hurts. This whole love thing is hard. I mean to love with GODS love and not my emotions. I honestly agree with robin. How do you do that. How do I love three people who so willingly tear families apart? How do I live them. What does that love look like? I don't even want to pray with them an to live them is well just pft! But my emotion of love is what is controlling that. I get so tired of how much I love how much it takes out of me. How do I love the way God does and not get exhausted? Can I love without being involved with them? Do I need to forgive before I love or love first? There are a lot of things running through my head. Because all my life it's been an emotional rollercoaster. Anger. Frustration. Spending so much of my life trying to be accepted by my parents. To make them proud and never being good enough. Disappoint in me felt like I was loved less. Does that make sense? Oh my gosh how am I going to sleep. I love to love but how do I do it right when what I would really like to do is spell out the bible for dummies and wala!! They are magically saved and see the light! There is so much I can't wrap my head around.