My heart melted today

I can't erase it from my mind so I an going to write it out in hopes of not sounding ridiculous.

In case your reading this and have no idea what I love. I love babies. My ideas of a baby? Time concieved to 3 They are my passion and I love them so much. I adore them.

Today. I stuck with Amy in ther nursery so she wouldn't give Andrea fits this time from her. First hour was good. She slept 40 minutes. And I was even able to pull the bars up on the crib. She woke up and was great. A little boy was brought in. He began crying and then harder. Both teachers swiched off trying to calm him. This went on I guess for 10 minutes or so. When I looked at him my heart melts and then today when he was looking around and then bam straight into my eyes and put his arm out for me I melted. I fell in love with him.

I had been wanting to hold him for 3 weeks but didn't ask because I'm not a teacher in there. So today I finally pushed my fears away and asked one of the girls if they wanted me to try. And out came a great word " sure". I took that baby into the nursing room. Gave rocking a try. Then bouncing. Then it hit me. I know exactly what he wants. So I held him like I do Amy to try and get her to sleep and swayed side to side with a little bounce. And then I sang the songs I have sung to the girls their whole life. Sleep baby sleep. Angels watching over you. Hush a bye. And you are my sunshine. He quickly calmed and was just barely wimpering when I was doing you are my sunshine.

Before I sang it again he was out like a light. And then it hit as I kissed his forehead a few times. I was singing and it happened. I cried. Tears just streamed every where. I swayed with him and held him. I'm sure I could have put him in bed and he would have been fine but I couldn't. I couldn't help but keep thinking " Danielle should be doing this" over and over I kept thinking she should be holding chris and rocking him and singing. I know he is Happy and with Jesus. But for that moment that I was holding that baby boy in my arms I wanted so bad to wake from the nightmare and know that chris was in Danielles arms.

It's not all sad. I hadn't held held a baby boy like that since I was 19 and working at the day care. I remember the moments of trying to get Raul to sleep. That poor baby had so many problems. It felt good to hold a baby boy again. To put him to sleep and lay him down ahha yes I did lay him down and he slept until his mom came to get him.

I guess to most of you it's sick how much I love kids. I just do I can't help it. I honestly can't think of a better place then where I was this morning with that baby boy and arik and Isabelle and amy. It was perfect. I hope no one thinks I am a freak for being so passionate about babies.